god, you up there bud?

so i got ungrounded last week. and i just got my phone canceled again. AGAIN.

So i dont know what to do. It sucks having to stay in this house. And just having to hear all this stuff from my parents, and on top of that ajie and allen. They say you can know what kind of a husband a man will be by the way he treats his mom and sisters. I was thinkig today, and i realized that its one thing to have to hear your parents put you down, but your own siblings? come on

Like it sucks, it hurts. All i can do is cry. Like im going to run out of tears by the time im 40.

I think im learning through all of this to have faith. God is doing this for a reason. Im in this family for a reason. Im still alive for a reason. He's testing me right now. But its so hard, i can't deal with all of this. I just want to cry, but i cant. I hate being called names by my brothers. Its sucks. but at least im real. At least i dont act like a completely different person outside the house.

God is teaching me how to love and forgive through out all of this. I hate this family so much at times. But the only thing that gives me assurance is god. I've been trying to give up swearing for a while..and if you read through most of this blog, thats pretty much all you see, profanity. I was recently called out on it, again. And when asked why i swear, i couldnt come up with a reason. There's really no point i suppose. But people who know me, know i have a very short temper, an di get mad very easliy. I guess words is better than actions, but still i know its wrong. So god has been showing me there are other ways to vent my anger..

But on a happier note, i got these new shirt that i LOVE. It says "swagger" across it, and omg i nearly fainted when i saw it online :)

JAM OF THE MOFO DAY:
"WETTER" by twista
ok, i know this song is totally inappropriate but i LOVE it's flow and beat.