leena philip

I LOVE THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE. SHE IS MY LIFE.
So..it's gon be leena philips birthday on saturday. And im so excited...except im no tgon be there. And i really dont know what to get her for her birthday. Im so sad that i wont be able to hang out with her :( stupid choir fest :( I LOVE LEENA PHILIP. Like seriously this girl has been amazing since i've known her. She's really dumb sometimes, but thats what i love about her. She always knows how to make me laugh. SHes really werid sometimes and collecs straws and hair.But it's ok, that why i love her. I just wanted to let her know that even though i wont be able to hang out with you on saturday...

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRRL. I L OVE YOU.

i hope you have a great day, and we'll still be partyin it up when we're 70 years old and in diapers.

god, you up there bud?

so i got ungrounded last week. and i just got my phone canceled again. AGAIN.

So i dont know what to do. It sucks having to stay in this house. And just having to hear all this stuff from my parents, and on top of that ajie and allen. They say you can know what kind of a husband a man will be by the way he treats his mom and sisters. I was thinkig today, and i realized that its one thing to have to hear your parents put you down, but your own siblings? come on

Like it sucks, it hurts. All i can do is cry. Like im going to run out of tears by the time im 40.

I think im learning through all of this to have faith. God is doing this for a reason. Im in this family for a reason. Im still alive for a reason. He's testing me right now. But its so hard, i can't deal with all of this. I just want to cry, but i cant. I hate being called names by my brothers. Its sucks. but at least im real. At least i dont act like a completely different person outside the house.

God is teaching me how to love and forgive through out all of this. I hate this family so much at times. But the only thing that gives me assurance is god. I've been trying to give up swearing for a while..and if you read through most of this blog, thats pretty much all you see, profanity. I was recently called out on it, again. And when asked why i swear, i couldnt come up with a reason. There's really no point i suppose. But people who know me, know i have a very short temper, an di get mad very easliy. I guess words is better than actions, but still i know its wrong. So god has been showing me there are other ways to vent my anger..

But on a happier note, i got these new shirt that i LOVE. It says "swagger" across it, and omg i nearly fainted when i saw it online :)

JAM OF THE MOFO DAY:
"WETTER" by twista
ok, i know this song is totally inappropriate but i LOVE it's flow and beat.

oh tuesday

i am still grounded. i miss all my stuff. i want all of my stuff back. they took it away for a month. I don't know what else to do. And not only do i have to put up with them, it's my brothers as well. I don't think anyone will really understand how much it hurts to hear you're little brother call you out and put you down. I mean i expect it from Allen, heck, i'm used to it. I don't know what to do. God help me out big guy. I just want my stuff back, what incentive do i have to "act better" if i have nothing to begin with? I'm wasting my summer away in this house. This isn't fair, four against one. FOUR AGAINST ONE. I mean come on. But i'm hoping it all works out. God is good. I'm getting what i deserve. But i just need to stay faithful. Wait for his grace and mercy. I pray that he just changes my heart. I'm beginning to believe all these things my family is telling me. Maybe the problem really is me, maybe i am the one who is messed up. I need you're healing, i'm not a good person. I don't deserve any of this. Yet here i am.

FML

god damn im so fucking frustrated. I hate my parents. Liek is it really his mission in life to be a straight up dick. Are you seriously gonna call me an idiot because i left a bowl on the table? seriously, how old are you. Like wtf what kind of a dad are you? i dont do shitttt to you. I bareley even talk to my parents. THEY ARE THE ONES THAT INSTIGATE ISH, NOT ME.

And then you have the balls to tell me to clean my room? hellllll no. Im not going to anythig you ask me, as long as you keep calling me names and disrespecting me. Like what are they thinking, do they honestly think ima clean my room or do anythign they say with the way they talk to me

GOddamn he is so stupid. Liek how old are you? are you really gonna sit there swearing at me acallign me names? So he's like " you're not going to anymore social events." WTF DOES THAT MEAN. Honestly how the hell are they going to engorce that?

ANd on top of that i have to hear ajie and allen gg em on. Like wtf it's one things to hear my parents call me all this ish, but from my brothers? Of course they're going to take they're side, idk why im suprised. Ajie such a dick sometimes, he's so fake. everyone in this family is so fake.

I have yet to have a real conversation with allen. He's such a jerk, seriously who threatens to delete all my music and hack all my files when they get pissed? how old is he? goddamn my parents piss me off.

And they're such stalkers, they follow me wherever the hell i go. 3 more years, 3 more years, 3 more years.

God give me understanding to accept the things i just cannot change....

FML FML FML FML FML FML


JAM OF THE DAY:
BEST I EVER HAD
BY: DRAKE

what the EFF.

god im so freaking frustrated, this is BULLSHITTT. Like wtf, just wait untill i can drive and make my own money, just wait! I'm going to buy whatever the HELL i want. I'm going to go where ever, and do whatever.

As long as i work hard for my money, and i earn it my slef, i WILL spend it however the hell i want. I'm sick of having to keep going to my parents for everything.Im so sick of hearign them go off on me everytim ei ask fo rsomething. IM SICK of hearing them call me ungratefull. But honsetly who in their righ tmind coould show any gratefullness to parents like this

I dont trucking understand why Allen gets what ever the F he wants. He is having the time of his life. THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. He's going out buyign whateevr the hell he wants. His excuse" its my money, i worked for it, im going to spend it" THAT'S BULL! So what eberyone has to just sit back and watch him getting all these extravagent things?

I dont think anyone understands how much it hurts to watch him get whatever the heck he wants. Like people are constanly callign me spoiled, and i agree with them to some extent. Im the only babygirl of the family , i get what i want most of the time.

But allen. i dont know where to start. Lets put it this way, i could sell his room, and the possessions in it, and probally buy a new house and new dog.

I ask for a fother muckign tshirt , and they say no. I ask why did allen just come home last week with 5 new shirts, they say he worked for it. SERIOUSLY WTF? if i could work at 15 and make my own money..TRUST ME I WOULD

I hate asking my parents for things i hate it, it doesnt even have anyhitng to do with my pride. Im just so sick of hearing what they have to say. I want a TRUCKING 10 dollar shirt, and they say no, they dont have money.BULL. So what? we just repainted the whole house, reapplyed wood flooring, bought an acura TL, and applyed granite counters all with "NO MONEY", right? goddamn.

Don't get me wrong ill donate to church , give tithe and all of that. But with whatever money i have left over, i will buy whatever the hell i want. And not have to worry about those 2 hovering over me every second reminding me how "ungrateful" i am.

I honselty am gratelful for everyhting they've done for me. But once im able to fend for myself, i'm not gonna be asking them for anything. Im going to LIVE IT UPP as much as possible. Im going to have the time of my life.

JAM OF THE MOFO DAY:
MAN IN THE MIRROR
BY: MY MAN, MICHAEL JACKSON

10th avenue north

JAM OF MY FREAKING SUMMER
BY : 10th AVENUE NORTH
BEYOND WORDS


i dont know why, this song is like a soundtrack of a point in my life. It makes me sad listening to it, but holy crap i love listenign to it. It brings back all this mixed emotions and brings back all these memories i forgot about. I want my husband to sing this song to me at my wedding. :)

summer

ehh i't been a while since i've "bloggged" im such a lazy bum. I did absolutely nothing today.. ok so i woke up at 12ish, watched tv, put henna in my hair, and now i am waiting for 4 hours to pass so i can wash this ish out of my hair... funn stuff.

when i grow up i am going to be president

EHH

VBS is over :( it was actually alot of fun, hell of alot more fun than i was expecting. Well im heading out to new jersey in a couple of hours, ok maybe 4. But anyways i knew that if i went to sleep now, there's no way in hell ima be gettin up at 3, so im just gonna wait it out..

Anyways this week was my birthday week :) finally fifteen baby! it was a great birthday i guess.

I have a friend, he works at tmobile. where do you work? :)

I'm so tired, i just want to go to sleep.

honestly, how the heck am i going to survive a 18 hour long road trip with my family? I can't even be in the same room with them without exploding.

Alright screw this, i'm tired and im going to sleep...:)

JAM OF THE DAY: I POKE HER FACE
BY: KID CUDI, LADY GAGA, AND COMMON

DAY ONE DOWN.. TWO MORE TO GOOO

& i fcuking bombed my ap human geo final. FML
Pray to god i do well on my BIO final tomorrow...

Girls Summer League

AHHh so today was the first day of girls summmer league, it was alot of fun actually. But it was so FREAKING cold, like you dont even understand how cold it was. Our teams name is "Rebekah" and i thought we played pretty well today, although we lost our last game...

Anyways this week is gonna be my last week of school! I have finals coming up so im so excited for that. SO for my bio class my teacher offered us a reveiw packet if completed is equal to an extra 5% points onour finals. AND I HAVEN'Y EVEN STARTED YET. I'm so screwed. Leena did some of it at GSL, but i still have 4 more pages to go...whooo.. AND WHAT THE HELL, ITS ALREADY 9:02. THIS FREAKING SUCKS. and i'm cold, and my FEET ARE ALL DIRTY, take a look:
AHH i have so much to do before i go to sleep :( WTF is wrong with john hersey highschool, its practically the middle of june, and im still in school. GREATT. im going to go shoot my self,bbl. FML SO FLIPPING MUCH. AND MY HEAD HURT. IM SUCH A BABY.

JAM OF THE DAY:
" I GOT A FEELIN"
- BLACK EYED PEAS

ipod shuffle

so i put my touch on shuffle today and Gravity by Shawn Mcdonald came up. And i just melted this song brought back so many memories...I forgot how much i love this song, i havent been listenign to christian music lately, but this one is definetly one of my favorites

why the hell am i still in school, it's JUNE.

I honestly do not know why i keep this blog, its not like i follow anyone, or have any followers on it. Idk i just liek to write about random ish. And hey its a better alternative than journalign and having to risk someone finding it and reading it right?

My head hurts. and i do not know why. I don't feel good, and i think im alergic to room or something, becasue i cant stop sneezing...My parents hate me, i honeslty think there is nothing i can do at this point that could get me into more trouble with them. I've been messign up lately, and paying the consequences for it, so yeah..

School is coming to an end, but i can't forget about finals week, woo hoo! No, more like murder. I'm on the border for all my classes, so im going to have to work my ass off next wed, thurs, and fri if i want to keep my grades up. I can't beleive my first year of highschool is almost over, this is crazy. Freshman year, FRESHMAN YEAR, i am almost done. I remember feeling so freakign lost the first day of school, but now i can laugh about that. Summer is going to be the ish.

Anyways, i wish i could be consistent and blog everyday, but im so goddamn busy. ...KARENS BIRTHDAY!! it was amazing we suprised her, and she was happy. It was a fun day, she was really happy, ecspecially when we got a certain someone to show up fpr her : ) I can't beleive karen joseph is older than me. but all in all her birthday was a great day, but it had it's downs...it turned out a friend i invited got in a car accident on the way, so i felt bad about that, but he's fine so its all good. I love karen jospeh, and i hope she knows that if she ever needed a liver, im always here.

My birthday's comign up this june 19th, no one ever remembers though :(

JAM OF THE DAY :
"SHE IS LOVE"
BY-PARACHUTE

KAY JAY

ahhh holy crap, Soo, karen josephs birthday is comign up, and im goign to freak. Good thign i didnt give her the link to this blog or she would know about everything..SO me and leena planned this suprise dinner for her at ruby tuesdays this saturday. I'm so freakign excited it's not even funny. Karen deserves the best birthday ever, an di hope she's relly happy. Honeslty that girl is what keeps me grounded, when i grow up i want to be karen joseph. She's such a sweet heart all the time, and shes so loving, shes definetly one of those friends i will NEVER take for granted :)

But anyways schools ending soon, so im excited for that. And girls summer league is comign up , im pretty excited for that as well...I just want to be done with schoool, there so many other things i want to do and pursue. ONce this school years over, 3 more stupid years AND IM OUTTA HERE. Ima go far away to college. Ok maybe not that far, I just want to get the heck out of mountprospect.

SO i dyed my hair with henna yesterday and i didnt use gloves. So my hands are freakign blood red. It looks liek i murdered someone, great.

Ive been slacking off so much this last month, honestly, i know this sounds horrible, school is the last of my worries. I just want summer to be here already. I just want to chill and relax, just not have to worry about anything.

JAM OF THE DAY: "DOWN"
BY JAY SEAN AND LIL WAYNE

serioiusly everyone check out JAY SEAN, he's fucking amazing, like unveleivable, and he's indian :)

AVIATORS

I got a new pair of aviators, i thought i would share. Well anyways the weather outside is UBELEIVABLE. It's so freakogn nice, i went out and tanned today :) I really wish i was darker...

So today school was amazing, everything was just so chill and laid back. I can't wait untill it's over, then there's only 3 more years left for me..

I'm trying to write in this blog everyday, but my life's so goddamn boring i dont know what to write. I guess i'd rather write somehting realaly ling that actually means something to me, than someting short and pointless.

But anyways, i am going to go play outside. That sounded so stupid, "play outside" I am in shock that it is this nice outside, it's so humid and discustingly warm in my room. Alright ima go frolic outside

:)

IM THE ISH.

I FREAKNIG FAIL AT LIFE

I have had alot, ALOT, of crappy days in my life. But today was by far the crappiest.

So i went to sleep at 3 am this morning, all the well knowing i had to wake up at 6. Yeah right. Well anywas i ended up waking up at 7:00. I was so pissed at Allen for not wakin me up , becaus ehe usually does, but he started yellign at me back sayign he did wake me up. SO i felt liek an ass for screaming at him, and on top of that i had 10 minutes to get ready, if i wanted to be at school on time, which is 7:30. Oh and lets not forget, the dean said if i am late one more time im goign to have to serve a detention, or closed lunch. So i got up and was scrabling to find some clothes to wear, but of course i left them all in the washer last night, and did not remember to put them in the dryer. So i ended up wearing a beater and tee, with the capris i slept in, yes i know it was discusting. So anyways im trying to hurry up, because Allen was pissed and he would leave without me if i wasnt on time.

So i go to the bathroom, AND THERE'S NO GODDAMN TOOTHPASTE. SO I SEARCHED EVERY SINGLE BATHROOM AND THERE WAS NO STUPID TOOTHPASTE ANYWHERE. So i had to use the crusty leftover that was barely in the toothpaste tube, it was great.

And as i was putting everything in my backpack, i forgot my calculator. And it just so happened i had an algerbra quiz today at school..i don't even want to talk about that. Then as i was running down the stairs i jammed my toe into the wooden post, and holy crap did it hurt. Oh lets not forget me spilling orange juice on the floor, but i guess that was ok, minni just licked it up.

And i guess anyways i got to school on time, even had a minute to spare. And once i got to first period, i realized i left my books for that class at home. F MY F*ING LIFE.

JAM OF THE DAY :
BAD DAY
-DANIEL POWTER

The Rain

Ok so i know i promised i'm only going to blod once a day but...i was listening to my ipod with leena and karen and this song came up...THE RAIN-BY AKON, Do you know when you hear a song, and it brings back a certain memory? Well some times it's so freaking depresing hearing some old songs. But just hearing this song brought back some old memories...

I LOVE THE CITY

Ok so today was the best day of my life, hands down. WE WENT TO THE CITY. Like holy crap, i have this new found appreciation for the city, i love it, i don't know how to put it into words. Like just chilling down there, it felt so good, it sounds stupid as i type it. But i just loved being there today it as amazing.

So our sunday school teacher Anne and her husband David took us all there, and by all i mean, ME, JOBE, KAREN, LEENA, and SHIJI. So i guess first off, we went to navy peir and just chilled, and afterwards just strolled around chicago and michigan avenue. It was amazing.

And while we were walking, we saw these street preformeers, and HOLY CRAP. LIKE OMG THEY WERE AMAZING. They were there just busting out moves like no body's business, it was crazy. And they were robots, so every time they moved they made these crazy ass mechnical voices, it was so cool. It reminded me of all the street performers in california when i went last year. Here's a picture of the dancers, they were so sick, i nearly fainted after their preformance.

Oh my god, i miss the city, i want to go back. It was some crazy weather too, it was so nice and sunny, it was so beautiful :) Like holy crap it was nice im goign to cry, im so depressed, i want to live there so freakign badly! I loved hanging out with EL and KAY today, we haven't spent quality time that in a while

So anyways i guess im just blogging it up, while EL and KAY are doing there own thing. So much for spending quality time together...ERGG i dont feel good, i don't know why.

And the crazy thing is ANNE paid for the ENTIRE day by her self. I was like dang this girl must be loaded to pay for all of us! But i love Anne so much, i respect her sooo much , she has such a big heart and she's such a god fearing woman. I loved spending the day in the city with her. And her and David were so cute, like every once in a while we would catch them holdign hands and looking like to teenagers in love.
So anyways, i know that my blogging isn't that consistent , but i liek blogging, i liek just writing. Well anywys time to get back to being retards with karen and leena:)


JAM OF THE DAY: SIGNS
BY:JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND SNOOPDOG

christmas lights

I really should be studying for my AP test tomorrow...well i have some time to kill before i head out to borders to study so yeah.

So anyways, the other day i was sleeping and my christmas lights fell on me. I jumped out of bed thinking it was a spider or something, and i got tangled as i was trying to untangle my self. And as i was trying to untangle myself i jammed my big toe, and it feels like it has it's own heart beat. thump thump..thump thump..

I don't know what else to write in a blog, im not used to this..

JAM OF THE DAY:
fire burning on the dance floor
SEAN KINGSTON

And they're back...

I do not know why i just made my self a blog, this is probably going to be my first and last post, considering i can not stick to anything I start...

But anyways, my parents came back from India today..I'm not sure how i feel about this yet,i know that sounds horrible. I know i should be glad they're back and all, but i kind of liked it when they were gone. Man, seriously that was the life. I had literally 4 hours of sleep each night and ate out practically every night with my brothers. It seemed like i actually got everything done that i needed to do this week with them gone. There was no chaos, no screaming, occasional fighting with my brothers, but overall it was just a very chill atmosphere.

So today's mothers day, and i guess my mom was excited to arrive back and see us at the terminal with flowers and gifts, I'm sure that made her day. I used to make her something every year up until the end of 5th grade. I don't know why, but i just stopped even caring and didn't really get her any thing, and i could tell she was hurt when she would smile at allens and ajies presents, and be awaiting for mine..So to make up for the last couple years i decided to make her a photo frame with pictures of us form when i was a baby and a picture from my graduation and i googled a mothers day bible verse and threw them into the frame. Although it took me two minutes before we left to the air port to create, i could tell it made her day. She was actually kind of shocked, as if she was expecting i wouldn't get her anything this year again..

so here it is...i thought it was cute :)

Ok so i have an AP human geography test coming up this week and i am completely, totally, screwed. I haven't studied at all. I just carry my backpack around the house and keep telling my self ill open it eventually, but i never do. And so i have to go to school for a review today at 7:30. Yeah i know whats up with a review on mothers day? but anyways I have way to much time to kill.

So i just got up to get a drink, and walking back i jammed my toe into the table. And holy crap, does it hurt. This kind of stuff always happens to me, I'm so clumsy.

I guess this was a pretty lame first ever blog, but at least it killed some time, right?


JAM OF THE DAY:
I need a Girl Pt.2
(this one's from my "oldies" play list)
-Diddy & Ginuwine Featuring Loon, Mario Winans & Tammy Ruggeri